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Fighting Fear
September 23rd, 2009 | Dean Arrindell
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As the countdown to the wedding turned from months to weeks, unease began to settle within me. It was a big event over three days, so some anxiety was normal. There were the small things to be worried about: All the family and friends coming in from out of town, making sure all the logistics came together nicely, the weather and, of course, hoping the ceremony went off without any problems. I was slightly more nervous about family members getting along (not across the wedding aisle, but on the same side of each aisle) or that someone would tell an embarrassing story about Holly or me at public moment. All those fears were for nothing. Not only was the weekend joyful and practically flawless, it exceeded our expectations.
Those worries, though, were vastly overwhelmed by something else. It wasn't a slight worry. It was anxiety that turned into a paralyzing fear in the week before the wedding. What made me so afraid? It wasn't the fact that I was getting married. It was the thought of speaking in front of the wedding guests. It was the fear of giving two toasts.
I hate public speaking. I never speak loud enough, my voice starts to quiver and I can blank on what I'm supposed to say even with the speech in front of me. Then there was the pressure to be funny. I read somewhere that part of the groom's toast should be funny. I can crack a joke on whim as well as the next guy, but I'm not a natural comedian. When I make conscious effort to be funny, I'm usually not. A couple of people tried to reassure me that the audiences (i.e.: the wedding guests) would be filled with people who love me and want me to do well. That didn't help. I didn't want to screw up and see disappointment on those familiar faces. I sometimes think it would be easier to speak in front strangers. I'd never have to see them again.
The closer I got to the wedding and didn't have the speeches written, the more fearful I became. I began thinking, "Not only are the speeches going to be delivered badly, but since I'm running out of time, they're going to suck, too." At some point uncomfortably close to the wedding, I had the bright idea, "What if I wasn't funny during my speeches? What if I was just honest and heartfelt?" I told Jeff about my fear and asked what he thought about my revelation. He's given several best man speeches and his advice was, "Don't go for 'Haha.' Go for 'Awww.'" When I changed my strategy, it released some pressure and the words began to flow.
Once the wedding day arrived, there was too much to do and not enough time to worry: Last-minute details, greeting guests and making sure everyone was where they were supposed to be. Then it was time to getting married and enjoy the ceremony.
After the ceremony, Holly and I immediately accepted congratulations from guests and had photos – a lot of photos – taken of us. When we walked in the luncheon pavilion, champagne flutes were already being passed out. "Oh yeah," I thought. "The speech. I forgot about that." Holly's father and I both agreed to do our toasts immediately. I wanted to get it over with so I wouldn't have think about it. My new father-in-law spoke first and gave a wonderful toast. Then, it was my turn.
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Related Topics: Fear, Getting Married, politics
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Dean Arrindell | 3 Comments »
Fighting Fear
(via Facebook, MySpace, Digg, email and more)
September 27th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
I love you both!
September 30th, 2009 at 7:48 am
The journey to the marriage is a mixture of the unknown. That is the fear. I am happy that your fear did not overtake you.
October 1st, 2009 at 8:36 am
You did a terrific job of overcoming fear. It's really something that comes from the unknown. But once we looks at the unknown as an opportunity rather than a threat, the whole world opens up!