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Hitched
March 24th, 2009 | Dean Arrindell
(via Facebook, MySpace, Digg, email and more)
There are certain changes in life that indicate someone is an adult. Young adults or immature people can go through these changes or have these things, but children definitely don't. Once you begin going through these changes, childhood becomes a memory, and adulthood and responsibility land squarely on your shoulders. They are things like a driver's license, college, a full-time job (with benefits!), a mortgage, marriage, kids.
I don’t have the last one yet, but I can check off all the others.
That's right. I'm getting married.
Holly and I had talked about marriage often, but it was a last minute decision to pop the question. One night in November (yeah, it was that long ago) I told myself, "Tonight's the night." I proposed. She said yes. A lifetime of wedded bliss is ahead of us.
But before that wedded bliss begins, we're going to have a wedding. In January, we decided we would tie the knot in August. That's when I learned the first thing about getting married: seven months a relatively short amount of time to plan a wedding.
Then I learned planning a wedding is hard. There are seemingly (and maybe literally) 100 different moving parts. Each one can and usually impacts another moving part. They aren't all necessarily related to flower and seating arrangements, booking DJ's and photographers. A lot of time is spent managing familial expectations, too.
So, here are a few things I've learned as we start the process of getting hitched.
Guests come in twos.
Mom and Dad. Aunt Clair and Uncle Cliff. Ross and Rachel. Let's say you invite five of your closest friends. Five is a small number, right? If they all have partners, it's 10 people. Multiply that by two if your beloved partner-to-be invites five of their friends and their partners. Now you’re up to 20. That's before you get to family members and co-workers. All told, we're going to have 60 people at our wedding. That number seemed like a lot to me, but I learned it's considered a "small wedding." Go figure.Men don't want to get married.
Or at least that's what one might think by looking at all the wedding magazines and websites. They're all geared towards women. That's fine. I get it. Women tend to be more into wedding planning than guys. So far, sites like brides.com, theknot.com and a few others have been very helpful. But it sucks when I see one tab labeled "For Grooms" among a ton of others on the homepage. (Thanks for including us!) I’ve seen a few websites out there for grooms, but the only one that I like so far is Groom Groove. Know any other groom-oriented or unisex wedding sites?People of color don’t get married.
Most of the website homepages and magazine covers I've seen have white people on them. And I see very few people of color within websites and magazines. I don't have anything against white people getting married – I'm marrying one – but where are the black, Latino, Asian, interracial or mixed-race couples? We get married. We want nice weddings. C'mon magazine editors, it's 2009. Stop acting like it 1909!Firm Diplomacy.
Everyone in our families, including Holly and me, surely had expectations about what our wedding would entail and how it would be carried out. It's easy for Holly and me to figure out a solution if we have a disagreement. When you have family members who have their own vision of what the wedding should be, however, the arts of diplomacy and compromise become essential. But staying firm does, too.
Holly and I believe all the hard work and occasional frustrations will be worth it to have a beautiful and momentous day. The wedding planning experience will surely bring us closer together.
What was your wedding experience like? Were you intimately involved in the process, or did you let your spouse-to-be handle most of it? Know any good wedding websites or publications geared towards guys or people of color?
Let me know below.
Related Topics: Getting Married
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Dean Arrindell | 5 Comments »
Hitched
(via Facebook, MySpace, Digg, email and more)
March 25th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Dean and Holly,
I'm so happy for the both of you. I was wondering when you two would get the idea to keep us imformed. Make this a fun time. How about keeping us posted up to the wedding date?
April 1st, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Here's my answer. Seek advice from family and friends. If they are not helpful, then throw all papers in the air and pick up 3 from the floor and that is the solution. Have fun and enjoy the flight.
April 1st, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Guest do come in twos and maybe fours. Remember Aunt Clair and Uncle Clif have families too and they are your cousins. Weddings and funerals bring families together. You will hear about it after the event.
April 10th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Dean, I loved what you wrote! Weddings are a real tricky thing but, I do believe you two will get it right in the end. I believe that I married too young to ask or even process the questions and observations you've brought up. I had my Mother's wedding the first time and I would like to think that for our 25th which is steadly approching (6 yr.) I will finally have my wedding. Although my mom meant well; to this day I have people that will say "Oh, I remember your wedding like it was yesterday" and I have to control myself from saying "who are you?" Ours was and intimate affair of only 250 of our closest family & strangers. Next time I'll have it my way….great friends chilling on a lovely afternoon. Of course I'll be the dazzling bride in flip flops and Capri's. All the best to both; I'm sure you'll find the right balance.
April 14th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Dean, you have not given any feedback on the comments from your bloggers. I think Sharon was living in the moment 19 years ago and when she renews her vows, the vision will be of a woman who is mature and has evolved into who she is now.