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Pretty Much Everything Online
September 8th, 2009 | Rich Perkin
(via Facebook, MySpace, Digg, email and more)
I probably shouldn’t write about this, cause it’s a tad embarrassing.. but that’s the problem, should I be embarrassed about it?
I am referring to online dating. (Which is really a misnomer. It’s online meeting. Hopefully, the dating happens face to face.) I filled out a profile on match.com a couple months ago, turned off all email notifications, and promptly forgot about it. Hey, I was drunk and I’d been having a bad day.
Fast forward to five days ago. I remembered about the match.com thing, tried to log on, but couldn’t remember my password or user name. So, I had to have them email me all that info. Then, I logged on, finished my profile, uploaded a couple pictures, and actually paid for the service. Okay, so I was drunk again and having another bad day.
(One day I’m going to be able to give up drinking. I won’t actually give it up, because I enjoy it. I just won’t need to drink.)
So far I’ve had 30 people look at my profile, one wink (which is like a non-committal hello, talk to me; the wink didn’t actually look at my profile though. How does that work?), I’ve had one interested in me (that I’m not interested in), and I’ve saved eight that I’m interested in. Oh, and I’ve seen profiles for three women I know, two of whom I kinda maybe hooked up with.. not through match.com, but that I actually met and know by other means.
And that’s as far as I can go. The biggest problem is, do I actually want a relationship? I’m pretty set in my ways, I can be a miserable bastard and hard to get on with at times, and I don’t always put out. Hell, I'm not sure if I really believe in concepts like ‘true love,’ or ’soul mates’ (besides, I sold my soul to Cirque years ago), and half the profiles online go on about things like that.
So my problem is twofold. First, I don’t know what I want, so how am I supposed to find it? Second, I have to admit I feel like a bit of a sad twat paying for an online dating service. But then how does one meet people these days? Statistically our circles of friends are getting smaller. Church attendance and other community events at which people would meet are also decreasing. I don’t go to the movies, or watch TV, or read newspapers, or buy porn. I do all of that online. (and I don’t want to hear any complaining about ‘TMI.’ I don’t really think there’s any such thing. If someone tells me they have an embarrassing rash, I don’t squeal and go ‘eww, gross, TMI,’ I nod and finally understand that the reason they can’t sit still has nothing to do with the sandpaper-lined underwear I assumed they were wearing). I spend my time on Facebook keeping up with friends, and on Twitter pretending everyone gives a shit about what I’m doing. I bank online, shop online, write online, pretty much everything online. If the Internet has become such an integral part of my life, then why do I feel a little sad and desperate to use it to meet people?
And who’s to say if I knew what I wanted I still wouldn’t be able to meet people in real life? Even though I’ve got those profiles marked as ‘interested,’ I’m still not winking or emailing them. It’s a bit like being in a bar, seeing someone you might like to get to know better, and not going over to them. In fact, it’s exactly like that. But at least in the bar you can order food and a drink – at home I have to get it for myself.
Maybe I haven’t got to the ‘know thyself’ part yet. I’m on the ‘know what thyself is not,’ plan, which sort of works, but it means I need people to keep suggesting things to me so I can agree or not. Maybe if everyone pitches in I can arrive at some sort of consensus at to what it is I’m not quite looking for yet.
Rich Perkin is executive producer of the British National Theatre of America. The BNTofA is producing four performances of "Durty Nelly's Lullaby" September 16, 23, 24 and 25 in Las Vegas, NV.
The original version of this post was published on Bloggy McBloggerson, on August 2, 2009.
Related Topics: Dating, Online Dating, Relationships
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Rich Perkin | 4 Comments »
Pretty Much Everything Online
(via Facebook, MySpace, Digg, email and more)
September 8th, 2009 at 7:25 am
I just married the woman I met on match.com. And I know other couples who met there and got married. Stay with it. You might meet someone who is looking for the same things you are.
September 8th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Ah, yes… Match.com. I've been on it for a while, and never understood why guys marked me as "favorites" and then did nothing else. See, I see Match as an alternative bar. I don't go to regular bars, so this is my way of scoping out the scene, seeing who's out there, and yea… maybe even tossing an email in your direction. Is it embarassing? Maybe at first…until my friends Dean and Holly (who met on Match.com) got married.
I don't think that if you asked Dean – when he first got on Match.com – "do you know what you want?" he would have had an answer. But he knew it when he found it.
It's kind of like meeting that one cool girl at the bar… when it clicks, it clicks… and later on, you figure out what it is you both "want". Match is simply a new way to say "Hi" and get a conversation started…
September 8th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
I've met two long-term boyfriends on nerve.com and suppose eventually I'll end up back with online dating unless I can come up with events to start going to so I can meet people without the icky chat up feeling at bars. I agree with Beth.
September 10th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Obviously, Dean and Holly lucked out. Potentially, online dating could be dangerous (mom speak). So, how should the over 60+ group go about just meeting new and interesting people? Nothing more.